Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
