Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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