so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
