My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
