can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
