I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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