I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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