i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
