I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
