your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
