Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
