Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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