He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
