you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
