my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
