Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
