Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
