I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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