Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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