I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
