So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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