Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
