It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
