You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
