I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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