Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
