Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
