if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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