grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
