They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
