I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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