I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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