We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
