Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
