Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
