So drunk its hurt
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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