the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
