guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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