Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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