Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did i just pee glitter
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
