I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
