Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
