Don't you send me to vm
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
