no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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