I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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