I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
