That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
