you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
