Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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