I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
